Stay alive. We had problems for a while because of her addiction that she had struggle with for a few years from Pain medication and anxiety and other mental health medication. We lived with this prognosis over our heads for 8yearswhilst I watched it take my lovely able bodied husband to a man who could do nothing for himself. This pain is not forever. I have always been a sensitive person and now I am finding I take things too personally and feel hurt or angry. Im very tired of it all. this is life what we deal with as best we can. Come home, turn on the lights, walk through an empty house, empty life. He died in my arms. I have grown children but they have their lives and are busy with their kids activities. I lost my husband of 50 years 2amd a half years ago , he had lung cancer and died quite traumatically at home , we have grown up children who all have been grieving , I still have all his clothes and everything that I cant seem to sort out , since he died I have found my fear of flying and being in the house alone at night has vanished, I wonder if this is part of grieving ? Some guidance and encouragement from a person who truly understands the all-encompassing nature of grief and how if affects every moment and every part of life could be just what you need to move forward. I still feel that and Ive found my self seeking for that feeling that only a mother can give. It will be three years in three months that I lost my husband. I came on here hoping for good news for year two. The 3rd year of losing my 47yo sister to Cancer as well. I know Dan will offer a prayer for all our lost loved ones. Ive had the best and no one can take his place. But oh, the silence, the noisy silence.some might think it a relief after the long worry and caring and initially I think there was some small relief, but now I know he has really gone and I cannot escape the tormenting thoughts. I cry my eyes out almost everyday. I have a son who is 13 from a previous marriage, and he is the only reason I stick around. I also feel the pain my children feel on his birthday and fathers day. Strange to say but after reading all the comments I feel validated. Getting in touch with other widows/ widowers has helped, though. She steadily lost the ability control her body, then the ability to speak. She was 45. He was 84 & I am 65. Other days I just wonder why bother. I just can not move forward as fast as they can. When you lose someone that close to you it is the one time when you can tell the whole world to go jump in a lake if it expects you to get on with things. Ive lost countless close family, but the loss of my husband (best friend, greatest champion, confidante, teacher, counselor in life, one in a million love), is simply unbearable. She was my heart, my everything. The second year was different clearer, with more good days. Bless you, My daughter passed 1 year and a half ago and the pain is worse to me. Steve. God bless you. I also never realized during the entire course of me caring for her, how fearful I was of getting sick. Now in year two Im dealing with unresolved grief for my daughter and the emotions I pushed so far down are now bubbling to the surface. I think there is an acceptance that your loved one will not be back, but the hurt does not stop. Then put off the blue, he had a seizure that led to the diagnosis of a brain tumour, which we were later told was inoperable and high grade. Im bipolar, which does not help. I really dont like others to judge. There are no winners, are there? I was totally blank, dont know what to think nor what I feel, totally felt nothing. When, I feel as you (and I do feel that way), I think of what my beautiful wife and friend would do or say. Its been two years and two months since my beautiful wife passed. Am I alone feeling like this? We were together and married for almost 42 years. So much loss for them too. I know Im late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. Not sure what God has in mind for me yet, so I just wait and wait. I was absolutely devastated. But researchers have found that 4- to 6-month-old babies can only remember one thing at a time. i think as time passes you really realise who that person was in your life how much they meant to you and how noone else can measure up. He was my hero,Everything reminds me of him, Memories of our 8 year 28 day travel schedule, I was his caregiver, I been so hard to believe.. my superman is no longer here to talk to run ideas by, dinner movies, what our favorite shows like shark Tank, Love dtorties with, Exercise with,fuss with,getaways,dance with, hugs.. alll the above. Dear Everyone who is suffering and grieving a lossI hear and feel your pain and suffering. but when I am alone I just lie on the couch, cry, and feel sorry for myself. I watch other couples even older than us, and wonder WHY? Guess what? Thank you for your message. Im coming up on 2 years in April. I hope you know you've been in our thoughts and heart every day since. There is no way to just move on. He kept reminding me I needed to keep drinking fluids. Anyway it felt good to post this here. I finally am getting some grief counseling and it helps me to know that Im doing pretty well on the widowhood scale. But you have to move on for you, for your loss, to continue through life. They didnt die alone. The song comes five months after the artist's mother, Suzanne Olmstead, passed away in November 2021. I lost my beautiful wife of 40 years. There is a heaviness that is constantly on my chest. Who had before been in and out of hospitals. March 27th of this year she was placed on hospice. Plant a tree a Leland cypress and watch your love grow and remember him in nature. He was the love of my life and like others above, no one could ever take his place. Its been almost two years since I found him. I lost my husband on 4/8/2017, and my wworld fell apart. Im 61 going into 2 years without my wife of 24.its still hard to cope. God Bless you in this unwanted journey. I lost my son 2 years ago at age 24. Something that helped me was meeting others and making new traditions. But here I am. I totally understand. We were married since September 2004 and Re married (I should say Valentines Day 2012) She would have been 39 May 15th Now two Birthdays have past and two Mothers day. I really like your attitude to life despite your huge loss. Kim was DOA at the hospital and I couldnt face seeing the non living face of another sister. And evethough it was most peaceful thing I have ever scene. Cry everyday and pray everyday for strength and hope. Love to everybody with the same feelings. If You Are Young and Lose a Parent - Social Security Matters But speaking for myself I had to change focus, take the focus off him and onto those left behind. Thanks for hearing me. I am shattered, dont want to live without him, and every morning I still wake up after a night of praying and pleading to The Creator, to please let me go Home to join my beloved soulmate. She, or rather we , battled cancer for about 4 years and it was a roller coaster . 2 and half months without seeing her smile and hearing her voice pains me a lot and now the thought of not growing up with her kills me 1 minute at a time. I grieve with you Lynn. It does help to know that Im not some crazy women who doesnt know how to move on. why 5 months later, Im still stunned and grieving! It helps to try and be as present in the moment as I can yet still I have no appetite. Thank you for all your comments and thoughts you are sharing. Doctors said it was rare and implied we were lucky that he lived as long as he did. May God bless you all and help you to overcome your grief.. I have wonderful children and grandchildren but as others have stated they are busy with their own lives. He was 53 years old, and in excellent physical condition prior to his diagnosis. However, I end up waking up, and like a mouse in a wheel, run the same cycle daily. I have done some traveling and there have been some good times but the memories always come back. even though she had been ill a long time she was taken in an I am just miserable, with no future in sight. As if you couldnt have loved him or her as less than a mother or father or a wife. The second year was just as difficult but, for different reasons. But going into this second year without him, I can only hope he is at peace, and I will have done something to continue and value him that will go beyond me when its time for me to go. Maybe it is because we all thought if we made it to the first anniversary how could the pain not ease up. I also am only 2 months in after the loss of my husband ..21 years of marriage and 5 children the latter of which keep me going ..he lives in them. It NEVER stops hurting. Caregiver for close to 8 years. I dont know exactly. Before, at least I had some role to play in this horrific scene, but now it feels as though there is an even duller grayness about everything. very strong family and friend network I feel so alone. And I cant move on. Loneliness: 5 "Don'ts" If You're Lonely After Loss My new challenge going forward. I know the feeling Angie I myself am constantly weeping and unbearably sad. They may not even be pearls, but something beautiful and shining, lovely days to counteract the darkness. In these first weeks it is so easy to put your body under extreme stress. It's been just a few years since you passed away. How much more do we enjoy the movie or party that we thought was going to be terrible? The first year was mostly like a in shock, autopilot, anxiety driven adrenaline survival mode. We had been married for 58 years. Im half the person I was. At 71 I am sure it will be a hard until I leave this world. And I mean nothing makes me happy anymore. And his angles are looking over you. Most shy away from me because?? My Lukie died in his sleep in his bed at home. Thank you Rachel. I lived off cake, pie, candy & other sweets. I miss him so much and loved him so dearly. Singer David Bowie, one of the most influential musicians of his era, has died of cancer at the age of 69. I lost my husband, my best friend in 2016. January 31st 2020 will be the 1st year of my honeys death. I still have Sophie, another king charles. We were blessed with 4 children, who still desperately need me at ages 11, 9, 8, and 7. We all will walk this path our own way, its the most difficult challenge of ones life. Thanks for your wirds, Ann TERRI..It is 13 months and 20 days since my soul mate died..yesterday in work I felt truly happy for the first time since he died..it is 10pm today and the whole day has bee one of the worst..I have two dogs so I hide away ..put my head down on my arms and cry so they cant hear me.I work full time so am OK in work but I am so lonely without him..my children are interstate..along with my bestie of 50 years.I have no close friends outside of work..I make an effort to go out and socialize but am surrounded by couples..so come home as I miss him even more..if it werent for my two dogs I wouldnt be hereI dont know how much longer I can live live thisI have told no ome else how close I am to ending my own life..this lasses but right now the urge is overwhelming me..thanks for reading..if you doI am writing to you as you have the most recent post.. Ann.. This year he would have retired. Icantgo through another holiday without my family. I feel disconnected most of the time but I am getting glimpses of myself outside of grief or with making friends with my grief and my life. I lost my Mum on the 2nd of February last year. He died 6/12/17 of sarcoma cancer. Blurry. that is life. I dont know why the first year I felt it was all a dream and my son wasnt really gone. He was my other half and I know this. I am still hoping beyond hope and beyond reality, that Jill will magically be real again, here, in the whole, in my arms, and next to me in bed at night and in the morning. Hi. Take Care and Thank You, Your email address will not be published. Birthday Calculator - Find when you are 1 billion seconds old. Thanks to you priest manuka for what he has done for me! Ive been bombarded by e-harmony and match.com. I dont think we were lucky It was after the first week that I began to fear she wouldnt make it. I had always been an optimistic, happy person. Im on year four already and dealing with grieve again. Im not sure if people are afraid to ask me over to their house or what. (pdf) Introduction Congress is fast approaching the need to take action on the nation's statutory debt limit, often referred to as the debt ceiling. A whole lifetime of wonderment , joy and happiness wiped out, all our tomorrows gone, all our yesterdays so painful to remember without him, it seems like so cannot cry any more, like a numbness has descended into my soul, no laughter no joy. What hurts me the most is that I wasnt with him when he died. All Im asking is live for the love of your husband his memory lives on in you and your children, I dont really think your husband would want you to do this to your children. How Cats Grieve and Cope With Loss | Hill's Pet Granted, it was the best way for him, but he was not sick, i had no warning. Its a reality that still blows my mind.hes not here but he should be, Im incomplete and trying to find the new me. My younger brother spent his birthday on our sisters funeral. Freind I have no interest in life. Most of the time things are ok but every now and then Ill have a day thats just a throwback to the original date. Then Ovarian Cancer stage 3 came knocking on our door to become part of our life for the following two and a half years then took my love away. DATEDIF - Google Docs Editors Help I was only 19 when he passed away. It may seem hard but try to change the flight response to fight. - Unknown. The light has gone out of the world, and itll never shine again. What if lose him too? One Year Death Anniversary. I dont want to. - Unknown. I feel like Im going insane. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. But expectations are a big part of our mindset, even when were not in the stages of grief. I wish you all peace. My prayers be with you all. Ann! Death cannot kill what never dies" - William Penn. The way she was with our 4 babies 8-20 years old. Its been a year 18 months since I lost my son and it feels as though the pain has grown. All of these feelings are normal. Cant get interested in anything that I used to love! I lost my husband 12/16/2016. That pain you feel, it is love but in another guise. There is no comfort or happiness for awhile and then the first time you find your self laugh at something you feel guilty. Both of my parents died on Valentines Day only difference is my Mother passed 28 years earlier this is tough for me, maybe divine intervention. My sister died 3 years ago at age 47. Living with cancer was all we had ever known. They are always with me. Its becoming real and it sucks. Over the next few months I was in the hospital myself six times (not COVID related, though.) I would be very grateful. and hope that tomorrow will be kinder to us! My throat hurt so bad, I could hardly talk. l lost my life wife of 52 years 11 months ago after a long battle from heart disease for fifteen years she fought to stay by my side but the battle was to hard ,l feel so lost with out her some days are worst than others ,lonely nights . I was with my husband for 50 years. I will never be happy on his journey, I have to find my own. It was the hardest Xmas every. Well when we were together for about a year I decided to leave him because we argue a lot, jealousy and thoughts of cheating. When I was 14/15 I met my bf we were friends good friends. And, cry most of the time. He was my closest friend and confidant. The pain was unbearable, especially going to his grave. My prayers are with all of us that are going through this horrible grieving with broken hearts. I cant write it but feel it and I feel it with you. Finding him was torture. Many days feel worse than year one. Date Duration Calculator: Days Between Dates - Time and Date Then in October of 2019 I got a call at work again to come to the hospital and that Kimberly suddenly died of a heart massive heart attack at 54.I couldnt believe it was real and sure enough here I was again, this time I had no way of telling her see you again someday because my brain told me that saying goodbye to Lisa werent the right words. . And my eyes leak out of the blue.I walk past a mirror and dont recognise who I have become. Just do what u are comfortable with and dont use this time to begin new friendships/ activities unless you want to. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 1996, right before we got married. We are all torn apart. I do have 3 friends that lost their sons the same summer as mine. Mourning the Death of a Spouse | National Institute on Aging Courtesy Marisa Renee Lee. Especially when retirement is in the near future. I understand now that he is gone but the yearning has been unbearable lately. It is 660,116 days from the start date to the end date, but not including the end date.. Or 1807 years, 4 months excluding the end date.. Or 21688 months excluding the end date. I still cry every day, sometimes three or more times but keep trying to think of all the good times we had instead of how much I miss him , Almost three years now since my beloved Georgette went into eternity..and I still weep for her every day..every tear drop says I love you still i feel so much for you all > I lost my husband after being married 50 years . Nothing, and I mean nothing could have prepared me for the grief-slog of these past 14 months. Yesterday i felt like a knife plunged into my heart 2 years ago and hasnt come out yet. How does one explain, the years of laughter, loving, holding hands, winks toward each other, many, many memories of simple days Which is understandable. I do things everyday by myself now and its very painful, part of me is gone and will never get it back. I miss him so much. He passed on January 28, 2018. It makes me cry to see us dance together, but it reminds me that he was once a living breathing person who loved me deeply. . Im supposed to just forget. Which really helped. Maybe because I was his caretaker, maybe because I was more close to him than my mother (a little). But it does help to know that I am not alone and unfortunately, there are others struggling as much as I am. Tracy. Her kindness, caring, compassion, patience and understanding are all qualities shared by my wife. Jackie you expressed much of what I feel for the most part. memories we had together. 6 moth later I lost my father in law and and then lost my mother on my birthday. I lost my husband 2.1/2 years ago to a vile terminal horrendous disease called MSA (Multiple System Atrophy). The month I found out he passed I almost lost it. Ive been around long enough and I dont really give a damn anymore about this earthly existence. Am trying to make Xmas a happy time. I have good, great days, then.. ___days.I thank Gid fot the precious memories.. I cant imagine going through thanksgiving, Christmas and the new year without her sweet smile. Just last night I was in the grocery store and they had a Buy one/get one sale on an item that we both loved. I have noticed such an immense change in my body (so thin) and just overall mental behaviour (loner, no energy for anything or anyone). Ericka, I relate. Date Calculators. I lost my son in June 2017. They call that your new normal. We got so close over the years, I cant bear being without him. My friends have gone on with their own lives. Its only at night when I lay in bed missing him holding me. My husband died suddenly, a little over two yrs ago. The body is never the same again, but healing does happen. There is always an emptyness in my heart. I think of her every day and night. Thank you all for sharing your stories of grief. The advice I can give you is stay strong. It's been 7 years, but I haven't forgotten a thing about you. My friends are the best and try to understand, but until you go through it, you can never truly understand the depth of this kind of loss. Sending love and hugs to you all put there. That said; allow others in. I just cant get my brain to accept the situation and get on with normal life. We had selected and paid for our weding bands. We had been married 49 years, and I still have no idea how to live without him. All I can say is my best to you and sadly we are not alone in our thoughts. Its been two years as of June 2 that I lost my husband, soulmate and best friend. Ill never date or love anyone else, and when I do interact with others, I pretend to be happy, and paint on a smile and fake cheer, because thats what they expect; yet all the while, im Dying inside. Im remember things I wish I would have done and several moments I wish I could have done better. The former Bachelor in Paradise star penned a . I am a shell of what I was to never return to the happy go lucky-good guy I was because of my wife. The reality of knowing that isnt going to happen is so heartbreaking. After a few months we started dating- the girls love him- I love him. Isolated judged alone. She did great for months until something unexpected killed her: Liver failure due to tumors. Nearly a Yr on that pain never goes away. I cry more and I need to shift from my lovely house. Everyday I am wishing for him to come home, I am hoping that one day he would knock on the door and said Im home, the emptiness is killing me everyday, We misses him so much. Only once in a while I say anything about it anymore. He and mum lived in Ireland and me and my two brothers visited them regularly. . 2nd year I didnt know how to cope with the pain so i was in a unlovable/toxic situation with someone plus I lost myself with drugs and alcohol. Oh Jennifer I read your words and its like me talking, I feel with you. If youre lucky, youll have lots of scars from lots of loves. My husband died after a failed kidney liver transplant in October. This effect makes it look like your fingernails, toenails and hair grew longer since you passed away. I dont think Ive really dealt with this. But until these well meaning people develop a great deal of empathy, they just dont get it!! I believe this is true. I relive it every day when I go to sleep when I wake up. If ever there was a time when we need to be setting realistic expectations for ourselves, then certainly our time of grieving is one of them. i want them to be living their lives- its how it should be. The loss is so new, the first months can be spent in a blur of shock and disbelief. I gave up everything of my old life when I came home and I dont regret a minute of it but now I feel so lost. Weekday Calculator - What Day is this Date? How could you leave me alone? And I took him of life support. I just want five minutes with my mum. Look for feathers its a sign there near you. He was sick for over ten years and he was the one who kept my spirits going. He said any kind of self harm is your bodies way of protecting itself from the great, immeasurable pain. Thanks for this. I do have some hope to give you. Recently my guilt has shifted. I have tried to be strong, to work through the loss, taken on a healthier lifestyle, spend time with friends, dress up and put on my makeup, work hard yet I am left feeling empty. I dread Christmas. But that sadness seems like my last connection, and I dont want to lose that. Sometimes I feel so angry and out of control. I think it better I stay home the rest of the week. Good luck., I feel your pain. I spent the first year in tears, confusion, shock, and disbelief. Those who survive COVID-19 are often left with . you are so right. 120 Death Anniversary Quotes And Other Words Of Comfort - Scary Mommy Thank you. I lost my husband 2 years ago suddenly and left behind with 2 young children. I lost both my boys 2 years ago mike 38 april 20,2016 and chris 39 september 20, 2016, I cant get over the pain my heart is hurting so much.I just want tobe with them I am having flashbacks like it happened yesterday..shock and reality has set in. I lost my wife/soulmate/angel and anchor August 2018 to shocking lung and brain cancer. I'm in my 16 month. I will forever hate myself. Dont do holidays any more to sad nothing will ever be the same I talk to her always we use to go to vacation to ocean city Maryland thats where she wants her ashes spread that will be a tough day Im stuck in this sad lonly stall. My friend says we are misfits. Many have been let down by those around them therefore turning to an animal for unconditional love and company and as a confidante. I was caring for my husband no more and now the puppies had all gone. I wish I had that one more everyday. But I think this is probably normal, and its certainly normal for me. I might not cry several times a day like before, there is just a constant state of sadness & loss, wanting & longing to share what we had together as loving soul mates. The pain was so great. So be it. It is definitely worse now than at the beginning, I was numb for a long time, but now i am exposed and raw, and I can cry for England. Nothing left for me. Even though it has been a long time, it's still hard to believe that she's gone!. 151.9K Likes, 1.5K Comments. I will type a little should you come back here. Its not like I was a trusting person before; now its even less so the case. It can be so isolating. This thread started an hour after and on the day my wife Shellie passed. Him and I were very close. I wish everyday i was dead .I remember years ago my father in law saying that after my mother died.he was lucky he got hi wish 11 months later. Our 21 year old twin daughters just got back from a movie and ran in to get me. I pray I will soon be better. I saw a counsellor after that which helped- I was numb after that. By Gods help we will get through this. Often I would repeat No, No, No to the point where it began to be so compulsive that it worried me. I try to stay busy but most of the time its just around our house. She passed after 8 months. One day we will be together again.